When Chris and I got married almost nine (!!!) years ago, we had in our wedding ceremony a beautiful reading - The Blessing of the Hands.
Blessing of the Hands
These are the hands of your best friend, young and strong and full of love for you, that are holding yours on your wedding day, as you promise to love each other today, tomorrow, and forever.
These are the hands that will work alongside yours, as together you build your future.
These are the hands that will passionately love you and cherish you through the years, and with the slightest touch, will comfort you like no other.
These are the hands that will hold you when fear or grief fills your mind.
These are the hands that will countless times wipe the tears from your eyes; tears of sorrow, and tears of joy.
These are the hands that will tenderly hold your children.
These are the hands that will help you to hold your family as one.
These are the hands that will give you strength when you need it.
And lastly, these are the hands that even when wrinkled and aged, will still be reaching for yours, still giving you the same unspoken tenderness with just a touch.
While I was in labor and after Chase was born, the words from this reading kept popping into my head. I'm so beyond grateful for this amazing man, building a beautiful life and family with him.
I'll start Chase's birth story at the beginning. I'd been having contractions on and off for a week - at my midwife appointment on Thursday, January 16, I requested she check my cervix to see if I was making any progress and also strip my membranes to try to get things going. I was dilated to a four, which was encouraging, but despite having more contractions into the night, no other signs of labor.
I tried to keep busy and patient the next few days. Saturday I continued to have mild contractions that were becoming more regular as the day went on. Chris, Cole and I went out to Touvelle park and out to ice cream for a last hurrah as a family of three, just in case things picked up. I got some last minute things packed and went to bed. Even with the regular contractions, I slept pretty well, and woke up on Sunday with them about 5 mins apart. As we ate breakfast, I asked my mom if we could go to Target and walk around since it was freezing outside and I wanted to walk to keep the contractions coming! In Target, I had a few contractions every once in a while that made me stop and breathe, so I knew things were moving along. As soon as we arrived home, I texted my midwife that the contractions were about every 4 mins, but very mild. She called back and suggested we go ahead and come on into the birth center, even though I wasn't sure it was necessary yet - she wanted me as comfortable and unrushed as possible through the whole process. I looked at Chris and said, "We're having a baby today!"
We gathered our last minute things and said a (somewhat teary) goodbye to Cole. I was so excited, so nervous, so happy, and so sad at the same time as I waddled out to the car and climbed in while Chris held the door.
At the birth center, we settled in at 11:00am (with our bajillion bags of stuff...we are both serious over packers) and met our wonderful friend and doula, Nina, there. Nina had been doula for several of our friends' births, and we had asked her early on in our pregnancy if she would be there for our birth as well. Chris and I couldn't think of anyone else we'd rather have supporting us during labor. Augustine, my midwife, arrived and checked me - still at a 4. She reminded us that we were in no way tied to the birthing room, or even the birthing center. We could walk the neighborhood, go get ice cream, or even go see a movie. However, I wanted to get the baby going, so I elected to walk laps around the birth center, munching on snacks and drinking lots of water . I had to stop every couple of minutes to work through the contractions, and I loved the freedom to try out different positions to see what felt right as they increased in intensity and frequency.
Chris brought me flowers :)
We joked the entire time about how I wanted my birth experience to be "fun"... Chris was like, "Yeah, uh-huh, right..." -But, it seriously was! Nina, Chris and I spent the afternoon talking, taking fun surveys, and generally having a lovely time while my contractions became closer and closer.
Around 3:00, I requested Augustine, my midwife, check me again...and was totally disconcerted when she announced I was a 6, with a bulging bag of waters. Only a six??! After four hours of active labor?! Grr... But since the pain was getting worse, I asked to get in the tub to labor in the warm water. The tub takes awhile to fill, so I determinedly continued my laps around the center to encourage the baby to descend.
I'm not gonna lie, the contractions were two to three minutes apart at this point, lasting for about a minute. And they HURT. Tears would come to my eyes as Chris held me through each wave of pain, but he and Nina both coached me patiently and unfailingly, reminding me to breathe through the pain, to not fight it.
At 4:00, I hopped (or slowly and painfully was assisted) into the big gorgeous bathtub. I'm totally not a bath person normally, but it's my favorite place to labor. And one of the coolest parts of the birth center is the absolute freedom to do whatever we would like - Chris turned on our iPod for me, we lit relaxing candles, and dimmed the lights.
The contractions at this point were for sure incredibly, incredibly painful. I felt as though my insides were being torn apart. The amazing thing about contractions, though, is the complete and utter absence of pain in between them. Just when I would think I couldn't possibly handle another second of the pain, the contraction would ebb and the pain would miraculously be gone for a minute before the next one started up again.
I lost all sense of time around this point, but somewhere around 4:45 I requested Chris get in the tub with me, and shortly after that my water broke. Augustine came in and started to inform me that there might be a little break from the contractions temporarily, but then they would probably become more intense. In the middle of her telling me, I was hit with THE BIGGEST contraction - so she ended with, "Ok, so you are not going to get a little break."
One after another, wave upon wave of contractions. I brought myself firmly into a zone to get through each one, relaxing against Chris' warm body in the bath between contractions, pulling myself up onto hands and knees during each one, holding onto Nina's hands and soothing voice with dear life while Chris patiently and steadily massaged my back.
If there was ever a time during my labor that I felt like giving up, it was at this time. But there was one main difference between my two labors. During my labor with Cole, I remember feeling so shocked, so railroaded by the pain of the contractions, I fought with all my being against them. I would tense up my body in preparation for each wave and hold my breath until they were over. But with my second labor, I focused on accepting the pain, owning it, visualizing the good it was doing for my body to bring forth our baby. It may not seem like much of a difference, but it helped so much to get myself through the pain.
A little after five, I noticed through my fog of contractions that Augustine and the student midwives were quietly preparing the room and prepping thing to get ready for our baby's arrival. While she hadn't checked my dilation, Augustine was experienced enough to tell just from how I was handling the contractions how close I was to delivery. She bent down, looked into my eyes, and told me that whenever I felt the urge to push, to go ahead and push.
I pushed a couple of times, but I wasn't really getting anywhere - so Augustine checked me again and informed me that I was ten centimeters, but had a cervical lip that was preventing the baby's head from descending. She told me I could keep trying to push or she could move the lip aside so he could come down. I pushed a couple more times, but could tell it wasn't doing anything, so she moved the lip while I pushed his head past. So, so painful - I actually almost felt as though I was having an out-of-body experience as a result of the pain. I felt as though my body was no longer in my control as I yelled and grunted and thrashed uncontrollably, trying to do anything I could to alleviate the pain.
But as soon as the cervical lip was moved aside, I could literally FEEL our baby moving on his way out. I realized that the only way out was through the pain, so I gritted my teeth and focused all my effort, all my energy, every part of my being on pushing him out. The contractions were still as painful as ever, but I was totally encouraged by all the positive words of everyone around me - "You can do it!" "Reach down, feel your baby's head, it's right there!" "You are so awesome, sweetie, you got this!"
Just a few hard pushes, and I could feel his soft, sweet head. I gathered my strength and pushed harder than I thought was possible, and his whole little body slipped out into the water and into my arms.
Time stopped for a moment.
I pulled our child from my body, up into my arms
and I heard Chris' intake of breath, his voice choked with emotion as he said, "Hi little guy!"
and I held his perfect, tiny body
and he let out one little cry, just enough to let us know that he was ok
then he gazed up at my face with the sweetest eyes you could imagine, blinked and looked around
and I was completely oblivious to anything else but Chris' arms around me and our little baby
and I was overcome with the relief that the pain was over and gone, that our baby was here and he was amazing and gorgeous, with a soft perfect head covered in brown fuzz and an old-man, wrinkly forehead
and I held him close and told him how much we loved him, how happy we were to see him.
6:05 pm Chase Asher was born.
And there was so much palpable joy in the room - the midwives rejoiced with us and admired his adorableness, and Nina held my hand and told me how proud she was of me.
His birth was perfect. Peaceful, joyous, exactly as I had imagined it would be. His gentle entry into the world was full of love. I felt simultaneously taken care of and nurtured, yet empowered and in charge of exactly what and how I wanted our birth experience.
After some minutes of holding him and admiring him, Augustine asked if we felt comfortable getting out of the tub and warming Chase up, so we handed him to Nina to hold as we were getting out. We spent the next couple hours holding him skin to skin and getting to know every inch of his perfect, tiny little body, his soft skin, his long delicate fingers and adorable frog legs.
Our beautiful and amazing friend Nina:
The weighing of the baby:
I felt absolutely euphoric and exhausted at the same time. To know that my body can do such a thing - make it through incredible pain to get to the incredible reward - is so empowering.
I honestly wasn't sure if I could love another baby with the instantaneous, heart-stopping love that I experienced right at the beginning with Cole - but I could and I did. So much love - maybe even more so because we have first hand knowledge of how fleeting each stage is as our babies grow up and get older.
Later that night, as the dark descended and our midwives and friends left us, I nursed Chase snuggled close to me while Chris slept beside us. I was overwhelmed with gratitude for another healthy, beautiful child - an emotion that has been echoed over and over again in the past two weeks as I hold both my children close.
We are thrilled to introduce...
Chase Asher Figueroa
born Sunday, January 19, at 6:05 pm
7 lbs, 12 ounces
We are overjoyed to have this sweet little boy join our family!
I have seriously been dying to buy Legos for my kids since...well, since forever. Because I love Legos. They are awesome.
So this year, I finally decided Cole had the manual dexterity to build with Legos all on his own and I COULD NOT WAIT to buy him some. Santa obliged, and Cole has pretty much played with them nonstop since Christmas.
You guys. It is SO MUCH FUN to observe him while he's playing with them. He works so hard, so much concentration and focus. He builds towers and castles. He takes things apart and tries again. He builds staircases.
It is so rewarding to watch him create something, all on his own.
Oh my goodness.
Little brother, this is officially your eviction notice.
I swore up and down before I was pregnant this time that I would savor and enjoy our (probably) last pregnancy. I had been so impatient and eager to meet Cole that I sort of rushed the last week or two of his pregnancy. And, of course, now that I have first hand knowledge of how much easier babies are to take care IN the womb than OUT (slightly better sleeping, boobs still relatively normal, hormones not FREAKING OUT), I promised myself that I would not be in a hurry this time around to have my uterus vacated.
Well, I lied. I'm eating my words.
I'm sick and tired of being pregnant. All done. Finite. Of course, it might have something to do with the complete lack of appetite I've had the entire pregnancy. The throwing up. The incredible heartburn that no amount of Tums can tame. The contractions that have been so mild but so irritating for a WEEK. The hip and pelvic pain from my tilted uterus that is so severe I can hardly walk first thing in the morning.
And, of course, the overwhelming excitement of I JUST CAN'T WAIT TO MEET our new little baby.
So, little sweetie pie...we are all so excited to see your sweet face. Consider this your invitation to come sooner rather than later, ok? Pretty please?
In a desperate effort (just one activity in a very long list) to induce labor naturally, we decided to take advantage of some sunshine and walk around our favorite park.
Even though I'm still very very pregnant, it was worth it for a gorgeous walk:
Yup - see, Exhibit A for "very pregnant":
Stuffing rocks in his pockets. I'm pretty sure he came back with a good ten pounds of rocks.
Loving on his Gram! We're so glad she's here taking care of us!
This last year for Christmas, I kept asking Cole what he would like Santa to bring. Just one little idea, I begged him. Not that I needed any - I was pretty confident that what we chose for him, he would love. I just wanted that little peek into his brain, ideas of what was important and special to him right now in his little life.
Well, after much cajoling and talking, I finally got one sort-of idea: chapstick. He requested his own tube of chapstick - and that was AFTER I suggested he ask for his own when he continued to slobber all over and destroy my tubes of chapstick.
Any other time I asked him what he would like, he would simply answer: "PRESENTS! PRESENTS PLEASE! I THINK PRESENTS WOULD BE GOOD!"
And while I really wanted to know more about his desires, a huge part of me was so amazed, so grateful that this little boy of mine was already so wise.
You see, Cole often sees things that he likes. A toy, a cat (ugh, he LOVES cats), a candle... but he RARELY actually asks for them. All his gifts this year? He loved all of them, but everything he received was something I observed from his interests as something he might enjoy.
Cole already has the wisdom to be content with what he has. He recognizes that there are things that he likes, but knows that he doesn't need to ask for them, because he doesn't need them. He's just happy with what he has.
Such amazing wisdom from my three year old son.
