Water Baby

Cole is 100% a water baby.  One of his absolute favorite things to do is to play in the kitchen sink - he'll turn the water on and fill various sizes of cups and containers and be happy for an hour.

And it doesn't matter if it's freezing outside - he still manages to go right to any source of water and have a blast:

Feelin' the Love

Cole loves to dole out kisses and hugs.  Truly, he gives me a serious-faced kiss and a tight squeeze of a hug at least fifty times a day.

It's so awesome and so sweet, and I always get this warm fuzzy feeling when he does it. "Aw, he must love me so much to give me kisses and hugs!  I must be a really awesome mama if he loves me so much." "I feel so loved and special when he lays a smooch on me."

But then I started noticing that he sorta doles out those kisses and hugs to EVERYONE...and more importantly, EVERYTHING.

The dogs?  Oh yeah.  Many times a day poor Chloe is subjected to hugs and kisses...Nala usually runs away fast enough that she doesn't get it as frequently, but she's not left out either.

Inanimate objects?  You betcha.  Stuffed animals (very sweet); cars and trains (cute); his stroller (??).

Strange objects?  Um, yes.  Every day when we walk into the house, Cole gives our house a hug and kiss.  No joke.  Also: "Cole, let's blow a kiss to the bottom of our shoes instead of using our lips to kiss.  We step on all sorts of yucky things that we don't want to kiss." -(BOTTOM OF THE SHOES!!!) 

And the weirdest one yet?  The toilet.  Yup, you read that right. The toilet, which happens to be at just the right height and size for Cole to wrap his cute little arms around and give it a squeeze...and then plants a smooch right on the (closed, thank goodness!) lid.  

Yup...my child loves me as much as the toilet.  Feel the love, people.  Feel the love.

Fall Leaves

As a teacher, it was always super comforting to me to know that, in some essential way, all kids were the same.  All kids love recess.  All kids love those rare movie days.  All kids love to press buttons.  You know, silly things like that. 

And yup...all kids LOVE to play in the leaves.  Cole is no exception:

And you know what I love?  That these leaves were in a park...so I don't have to rake them! :)

Consistency

I think there's a few tried and true parenting techniques that are most important for being a successful parent - and at the top of the list is consistency.

That also happens to be one of the most difficult ones, in my opinion.

Last weekend, we took Cole to Ashland for some lunch out, playground time, and pictures in the gorgeous fall leaves.  We even got to look at the ducks in the creek:

Now, Cole was FASCINATED looking at those ducks.  We're talking holding completely still for five or six minutes (that's a record in toddler time, you know).  He loved them. 

But then, he started to push it.  He wanted to get closer to the water.  Dad told him no, stay on this step.  Cole tried again.  "Stay on this step, please, Cole."  So Cole sat down on the (wet) step - clever move, he's thinking.  "Now I'm closer to the water and still TECHNICALLY on the step...oh yeah, I am a GENIUS at this following directions deal!"

"Cole, it is too wet to sit.  Stand up, please."  Cole stands up but stays on the lower step.  "Cole, come up to this step, please."

"Cole...if you do not come up to this step we are going to have to leave."

"Five...four...three...two...one...ok, that's it.  Now we have to go."

And Chris carried Cole, kicking and screaming, amidst many watching eyes in the park, to the car where we endured his crying for fifteen minutes.

I'm not going to lie...it was hard.  I didn't WANT to leave - I still had photos I wanted to take, I wanted Cole to play on the swings and the slide.  I WANTED him to stay and enjoy the ducks.  It broke my heart to have to take that happiness and joy away from him, however temporarily.

But more important?  More important is the lesson Cole learned.  If you don't listen when we ask you to do something, we leave. 

Every. single. time.

It doesn't matter if it's super duper fun; if it's incredibly inconvenient; if we are one a once-in-a-lifetime trip to Disney Land - we will follow through with natural consequences no matter what.

We talked about it a lot on the way home, after Cole calmed down.  We discussed why we had to leave - "Because Daddy asked you to step up and you didn't listen to Daddy.  Next time, you will listen when Daddy asks you to do something, right?"

"YEAH!"

And we'll refer back to this frequently, as a reminder to Cole that we aren't afraid to - respectfully and calmly - follow through with any consquences. 

Even if he breaks my heart, like he did on the way home by asking pitifully, "DUCKS, MAMA?  DUCKS PEESE! SEE DUCKS PEESE! PEESE!"

I have to remember that the long term goal of raising a young boy into a young man is far more important than an hours' joy at seeing some ducks.  Five years from now, his teachers will appreciate that he is quick to follow instructions.  Ten years from now, his coaches will thank us because Cole won't argue with referees or coaches. If we are ever in an emergency situation, he will know to do what we say, immediately.  Twenty years from now, his bosses will love his ability to take direction and get along with coworkers. 

In the long run, raising a responsible and thoughtful man is the goal - and if we have to have a few tears as a result of consequences on the way, so be it.  It's called being a parent, right?

Bike Ride

Daddy took Cole on his first bike ride earlier this week - I'm not sure who had more fun!  Both of them were talking about it for days afterward...

 Side note...how is that my hubby is the only person I've ever seen in real life who looks good wearing a helmet?

 I guess this little guy looks pretty cute in a helmet too :)

Fall Days

A fall day in the park:

 Cheesey fake grin:

Notice how they are almost all of him running?  Yup, that's normal.  This kid never walks if he can RUN! Good thing we have a huge state park for him to run off his energy at, right?

Brave

"Making the decision to have a child - it's momentous.  It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking around outside your body." Elizabeth Stone

I thought about this quote the other day while talking with a dear old friend about our miscarriage.  She asked if we were planning on trying for another baby, and I said of course.  we can't wait.

"wow, that's brave." she said.

something about that really stuck with me.  Am I brave? 

I suppose it could be interpreted as such.  It's such a risk, being a parent.  It's a risk LOVING. 

If there's one thing this year has taught me, it's that you never know what's going to happen in life.  if someone you love dearly will die suddenly.  if you will have a miscarriage.  if a friend will get Stage IV cancer at age 28.  if...if...if...

Every once in a while, I get an overwhelming fear that something will happen to one of my loved ones.  And then inevitably comes the thought of how much easier it would be to be completely alone and love no one.

Sometimes, I think that would be easier.  Wouldn't it be easier to not have anyone to love, so that it wouldn't be so painful if something happened to them?  Wouldn't it be better to never have children, so that if they get taken away you don't know what you're missing?  Is the pain all worth it?

It's especially difficult when it comes to children.  In my first pregnancy with Cole, I was nervous about miscarriage for the first trimester, but then I was completely calm.  After all, I KNEW miscarriage after the first trimester was so rare.

But then, we lost our baby.

So next time, I thought, I'll prepare myself.  I won't relax until 20 weeks, that way I'll KNOW the baby will be fine.

But then, this weekend, a dear friend of mine delivered her stillborn baby boy at 30 weeks.

I cried with her, heartbroken, at the unfairness of it all.  We thought we were in the safe zone!  How could this happen, so suddenly and without warning?

and I think that's the moment I realized - there is no "safe zone" as a parent.  There is no set time when you will stop worrying and praying and watching over your children.  There is not a single waking moment that I will ever stop thinking about Cole and hoping that he is ok.  In his childhood, I will worry about childhood cancer and undetected heart defects; running into the street and falling off the top of the slide.  In his teenage years I will worry about his driving and what kinds of friends he has; his self-esteem and concussions during football practice.  In his twenties I will worry about his dating life and making good choices.

It will never end.

My heart is irrevocably tied to my child.  It's a little bit scary, knowing how much all-encompassing and all-consuming love I have for this tiny human.  It's more than a little bit risky, knowing that all the love I have invested in my child could one day be the cause of  incredible heartache.

But yet, I am so eager to do it again.  To have my heart walking outside my body for a SECOND time.  Even with what I know now, about how hard it is to go through a loss of a child. 

Am I being brave with wanting a second child?  Maybe a little.  But mostly, I think I'm being selfish.  I can't wait to feel those tiny flutterings in my belly.  To push a baby out of my body.  To nourish and sustain an entire life with my breastmilk.  To see those first gummy smiles, the splashing in the bathtub, the sleepy milk-drunk grins.  To hold the impossibly tiny, yet so strong fingers.  To diaper and change and dress and wipe and hug and kiss the little body. To watch him/her grow, learn, laugh, play, cry, eat, run. 

Yes, it's a huge risk to love something so very much.  But it's a risk I'm always willing to take - not because I'm brave, but because I'm a mama - and selfishly, there's nothing that is more rewarding than feeling those little arms close in tight around me ("HUG, MAMA!") and the sweet kisses planted on my lips ("KISS! KISS, MAMA!") and the sight of our child growing and learning and making the world a better place.

He's worth it.  No matter what, he's worth everything.