Of course, we are thrilled beyond belief about the impending arrival of Baby #2. We planned and hoped and waited to get pregnant again - and after a few months of seeing those negative pregnancy tests and then unexpectedly seeing those two pink lines - well, there were happy tears.
But I don't think it takes away from our happiness to admit that I'm a tad nervous about being a mama of two.
Let's face it, we've got our family dynamics DOWN. Cole is sleeping awesome, we have a great routine going on during the day, I feel in control and like an amazing mom the majority of the time.
But now we're going to throw a whole 'nother kink into the mix. A baby who is not part of the routine, who will change our entire family dynamic. I'm trying to picture myself taking TWO kids to the park, on walks, to the museum, to the splash park, to the grocery store.
I know there will be times (FREQUENTLY) that I will have to prioritize myself, when I will only be able to take care of the needs of one of my children. I remember when I nursing Cole, how I couldn't even get up to answer the phone when he was on the breast - how will I manage that with a demanding toddler as well?
I remember so well those sleep-deprived early days - how will I have the patience to deal with two children at once? Will I ever be able to read a book, unload the dishwasher, vacuum my house again? (Well, honestly, if I never have time to vacuum again, I won't be too fussed. I actually might be a little relieved. "Oh shucks, just didn't have time to vacuum AGAIN today.")
Most of all, I'm worried about how Cole will handle this transition. He's my buddy, he's with me 100% of the day. He has my full attention whenever he needs it. He has never known what it is like to feel left out or sad because he doesn't have any experience with that.
In that spirit, we've been working hard to prepare Cole for the realities of Big Brotherhood. I've been resisting the urge to say, "Aren't you excited to be a big brother?!", because I want him to know that it's ok to NOT be excited. A huge change is about to take place in our family, one that he had NO say in, and above all I want him to feel whatever he's going to feel without any expectations placed on him. I've been telling him about how babies cry a lot, how I'll have to pay a lot of attention to the baby and he might feel a little sad or frustrated about that. I've promised to read to him a lot to help him feel better (something I can do while nursing). I'm also planning on several one-on-one dates with Cole after the baby arrives.
Tell me, mamas - what are some of the best tips you have for transitioning from one child to two?
The best thing I heard while prepping for Phinneas was: "Give your newborn your body, give your older child your mind." Lots of playing and talking with older babe while nursing etc. Isaac was my "Diaper Man"...he'd grab a diaper, wipes, powder, cream, a new onesie (if needed) when I would say that Phinneas needed changing, and he'd show Phinneas a book or a toy while I was dealing with the diaper, and if it wasn't a nasty yucky diaper, Isaac would run it to the trash for me. That helped him feel like a big bro...like, "I'm a big guy, and I'm helping out a lot!"
ReplyDeleteIt is super difficult to have a newborn and a toddler, and sometimes that's just what you have to face: It's HARD. One thing a midwife at Trillium told me was when baby is crying but you are helping the older one to say out loud "I hear you crying baby, I have to help your big brother right now but I'll be there to help you as soon as I can." That way you are showing the older one that you are putting their needs before the baby's.
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