Monday, November 14, 2011

A shy child?

I recently read an article in a parenting magazine discussing shyness in children.  The article went so far as to describe extreme shyness and discomfort in public situations as a social anxiety disorder.  It discussed how parents can use various techniques to "change" their child's shyness.

I always was (and still can be) very shy, so this article caught my attention. But it got me to thinking - when do we, as parents, go from helping our children overcome "obstacles" to outright changing a child's personality and natural tendencies?

Not every child has the same personality - shy vs outgoing, introvert vs extrovert, loud vs quiet - and that's a GOOD thing!  We can't have a world full of loud, outgoing people all trying to outdo each other - the quiet people balance it out.  People are not meant to all have the same strengths, traits and personalities.

I notice that Cole has some shy tendencies.  He gets nervous in new places.  He can get overwhelmed.  He tends to be slightly clingy in different situations. 

So here's my conflict: should I treat his shyness as a "problem" that needs to be fixed, or should I simply accept that as part of his personality?  Many articles and research in the parenting field treat such personality traits as weaknesses, but I'm not sure I agree.

I want to encourage my child to be whoever he feels most comfortable being, rather than playing a part or trying to change themselves to please someone.  I want him to have an honest view of himself, of his strengths and weaknesses. I don't want to try to change his personality.

What do you think?  Is shyness a problem or a personality trait?

3 comments:

  1. This is very fascinating. I would love to chat with you about this...

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  2. I guess to me it would be all about the degree of shyness and situation it's created by. If he's clingy and scared in a super busy playground environment with all sorts of kids and yelling, that's one thing, but if he's screaming when strangers look at him at a grocery store, that's another. To me, I wouldn't expect him to be the kid who runs into the middle of a crowd and starts dancing, but I would try to head off any shyness/fear in every day situations that could potentially make things stressful for you (screaming clinging toddler in the grocery store) or sad for him (afraid at the playground because there is two other children playing there)

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  3. Not at all, hes going to change as he grows.I belive some shyness is a good thing.

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