Balancing Act of Parenting

Balance.

It's what I strive for more than anything else as a parent.

Not balance as it concerns me, because I feel completely secure in how I balance myself and my commitments - but balance as it relates to Cole and his needs.

It's a struggle for me to find just the right compromise of just how much should our lives revolve around our child.


A happy medium.  This is what I strive for as a parent.  It's also what is most difficult.


I'm big on respecting children and their needs.  There is nothing that makes me more frustrated than to hear someone say, "I don't think my life should have to change at all when I have kids.  They will have to adapt to how I live my life."


It seems so disrespectful - and frankly, not doable.  Babies and children are not tiny adults, they are simple wired differently.  I believe it's invaluable to respect a child's natural needs, such as a consistent naptime and bedtime, as well as feeding times.  I believe kids also need a certain amount of unstructured play time during the day and that it's unfair to expect small children to ride around in a carseat/bouncer/stroller all day without having any time to play and move their bodies.  I believe that is just how kids are, and that if those needs are not respected, I can't expect my child to behave appropriately.


However, I also am a big believer in teaching children, even small children, that their ego-centric nature is not acceptable.  The world does not revolve around my child and his needs.  If Cole asks for something and I am busy, I always make him wait until I am done before I give it to him.  If Cole finishes dinner first, he waits at the table until everyone else is finished as well. 


But the thing that I struggle with most as a parent is always this: where is the line between respecting his needs as a small child, yet teaching him that the world does not revolve around him?  How can I be respectful of him while still helping him develop empathy and consideration for other people around him?


I run into this problem a lot, especially when making the decision to travel with Cole.  Frankly, my child does not travel well.  He refuses to sleep well anywhere but his own crib (resulting in crazy amounts of tears and tantrums), and any disruption to his routine is stressful for him - and then stressful for me, because his behavior shows his lack of sleep and routine.

But if I plan my life around staying home to best serve his routine and his needs, am I reinforcing his egocentric nature?  Am I teaching him that my (his parents') needs and desires do not count?  Is it enough to respect his needs the majority of the time, staying home and sticking to a routine - or is that creating a monster?  Can I justify a trip as teaching him how to be flexible, or am I just being selfish?

Tell me, how do you define the line between respecting your child's needs, yet teaching him/her not to be egocentric?