Challenges

Lately I've been having some trouble with my expectations for Cole.  I struggle every day with doubting myself.  Am I being too hard on him, too strict, are my expectations too high?  Or am I allowing him too much control, enabling him to be a terror?

It's a challenge for me, this raising little boys. I'm a quiet person, calm and introverted.  I like to read and sew.  While Cole's an amazing little boy, he's also very much a BOY.  Active, loud, slightly obnoxious.  Our day is punctuated with jumping, yelling, crazy laughing, impromptu tickle fests, throwing things, and dramatic prat falls.  It's so hard for me sometimes to connect with Cole on his level: my instinct is to shush his yelling, calm his jumping.  Every single time I correct his behavior, I have to do some thinking: is this a reasonable expectation for a four year old boy?  Is there time later to correct this?  I don't always have the answer. 

But I stumbled on this poem the other day and I'm trying so hard to remember this, especially as a mama of energetic, active little boys.

What I Want You to See (From the Voice of a Child)  

 

See the way my tongue sticks out when I’m making a beautiful creation for you.
See all the things I am doing right, not all the things I’m doing wrong.
See the way the way my eyes scan the auditorium until I find you.
See how the sight of your face makes me sigh with relief.
See the way my face changes when you take time to explain things to me.
See what a little patience and compassion can do for my scowl.
See the way I look at you when you read a book to me.
See that it doesn’t take much to make me feel loved and secure.
See that I gave it my all even though I didn’t quite succeed.
See that I’d do anything to make you proud.
See that my pants are too short because I am growing, not because I am an inconvenience.
See that I want to grow up to be just like you.
See that I’m calm and quiet when I am sleeping.
See that I’m carefree and joyful when I am running.
See that I’m gonna be something great if you can just look beyond the flaws.
See how a few words of affirmation make my shoulders rise.
See that my eyes tear up a little when we say goodbye.
See that my favorite pastime is spending time with you.
See that you’re the light of my life.
See that I desperately want to be the light of yours.
See me for what I am: a child who has many needs, but also a heart full of love.
See that beneath the dirt-stained pants and pouty lip, I am your everyday miracle.
Your everyday miracle.
And if you look a little deeper and gaze a little longer,
You’ll see all that am.