Dear Baby,

Dear Cole,

Merry Christmas to you, my darling boy!  Last year at this time, your daddy and I were eagerly anticipating your arrival - still full of the newness of expecting you and making all the preparations and planning.  I remember sitting on the sofa, opening presents and feeling your tiny fluttery movements inside my belly. 

Your daddy and I sat on the sofa in the soft light of the Christmas tree, rubbing my belly and trying to imagine our next Christmas - how big you would be, what you would be doing.  We imagined your tiny fingers ripping open the wrapping paper, your slobbery mouth exploring all your presents.

And today, we sat cross legged on the floor, with you sitting in our laps, while we helped your tiny fingers tear open your presents.  We watched you explore each new toy with your slobbery mouth.  We ate dinner as a family around the table, you in your high chair happily devouring squash and sweet potato.  I rocked you to sleep, warm and snug and heavy in my arms.

And it was an even merrier Christmas than we could have imagined.

Love, Mama

The Lasts

Right now I have an enemy. His name is Time.  He is a thief - he has stolen my beautiful infant son and turned him into a handsome little baby.  A baby who is trying desperately to crawl and stand, and who has the beginnings of his first tooth. 

I love watching Cole grow up - each new skill he learns, each new wonder and joy as he becomes more and more mobile...but a part of my heart breaks as he becomes more independent.  As he starts solid food and doesn't need as much of my milk provided for him.  As he holds his own bottle.  As he puts his own pacifier back into his mouth.  A part of me wonders, does he still need his mama?  And a part of me dreads the day he won't need me anymore.  Because I will always need him - he is my flesh and blood. 

I have traded his coos for sweet babbling.  I have traded his excitedly flailing limbs for controlled grasping.  I have traded his gummy little smiles for toothy grins. 

I love all his new skills.  I can't wait for the day when he will speak my name, call me Mama. For when he will reach out to hug me.  For the first slobbery kiss.  But sometimes the trade-off hurts - the giving up of his babyhood, even for all the joy of toddlerhood. 

I think, perhaps, this is the love of a mama.  Because the love and pure happiness outshine any of the bittersweet lasts.

Check out my sweet baby, falling asleep on Daddy:

Wholesome Baby Food

Here's what I've been up to lately:

photo via

Yup, that's baby food.  To be honest, I'd never even thought about making my own baby food before.  You know, you go down the aisles at the grocery store and see the jars and jars of every imaginable pureed baby food in convenient little jars - why worry about making your own?

But then I read the ingredients on some of those jars.  And I couldn't pronounce every word.  To me, that's a warning sign.  I want my baby to be as healthy as possible - and one of the ways to do that is to make sure he eats as healthy as possible.

So after doing some research (www.wholesomebabyfood.com is a great resource!), I embarked on making my own baby purees, which is so much simpler than I thought it would be - plus way, way less expensive!  All I do is choose my food, steam/bake if needed, then puree with breastmilk until a smooth consistency.  I've found it easier to make a big batch, then freeze into individual portions using ice cube trays.  It takes just a few minutes to pop them out, toss them into labeled baggies, and into the freezer (which, by the way, between my breast milk stash and the bags of baby food is starting to be taken over by baby Cole!).

photo via

Even though it does take some extra time and effort, it makes me feel so good to know that I am still doing my best to provide the healthiest nutrition for him!

Plus, with my horrible cooking skillz, it's probably a good idea to get Cole used to my special brand of "cooking" early on!

O Baby Christmas Tree

I tend to go a little overboard on Christmas.  Especially Christmas decorations.  And since I have the perfect excuse of a baby who LOVES anything brightly colored, of course I had to get some new decorations for Cole's room.  And of course he needed a Christmas tree of his own:

I loved having the excuse to have all the bright colors of ornaments:

And of course, I couldn't find a tree skirt that was exactly what I wanted... so I made one!  Cole loves the satin feel and all the contrasting colors.

sleepyhead

Lately, when Cole starts getting sleepy, he rubs his eyes with the back of his hand.  SOOO ADORABLE!!!

The Annual Christmas Photo Debacle

Ummm, I just realized that Christmas is SIX DAYS AWAY!!!!! Can someone please tell me how that happened?  Where did this month go?!

In other news, we tried to take our annual Christmas picture yesterday.  TRIED being the operative word. 

The annual Christmas picture tradition is one of the plagues of my life.  See, my side of the family all live so far away, we see each other rarely.  So I literally LIVE for those family photos we get once a year of my relatives - they arrive in the mail and I eagerly tear them open, poring over the perfectly posed pictures, and then I stick them on the fridge where they live for the next year.  Since I love them so much, don't you think they love getting our picture? (Maybe.)  So there's a lot of pressure with the annual Christmas picture.  This picture might be stuck on a refrigerator! For the entire year!  Where anyone could see it!  So it has to be GOOD!

This, of course, compounded by how picky I am with anything photography (or I'm just picky about everything...).  It would be easy if I could just send a picture of Chris and Cole and be behind the camera taking the picture...but that would sort of defeat the purpose of a FAMILY picture.  I have a very specific idea of exactly what I want in a family photo - something not too posed, a little more candid, cropped in close.  Add in a baby and... well, let's just say it gets complicated. 

So we set up our makeshift photo studio (a really really big piece of black fabric scotch-taped to the entertainment center...real professional!) and proceed to take over 100 pictures in short succession, trying desperately to get Cole to look at the camera (heck, we gave up on trying to make him smile...just looking in the right direction is a huge accomplishment!) and avoid such photos as these:

Umm yeah...cute huh?  And then there's this one...so close, if it weren't for Cole's I-am-sick-and-tired-of-this-whole-sitting-still-thing-Mama! look:

So we finally manage to take a photo...is it perfect? nope.  Is it pretty close?  Yup.  And, it has my adorable son and handsome hubby in it, so I'm pretty sure it will proudly live on magnetized to refrigerators everwhere, all year long...until next year!