LOVED

You were starting to fall asleep, so I put on some soft piano music and laid you in your crib.  You fussed a little, so I held you in my arms and rocked in the rocking chair, the puppies warm at my feet.  I drank a cup of tea, looking around your room and thinking of all the love that I felt in every part of it.  I watched your eyelids grow heavier and heavier, your breathing become even and deep, and the familiar warm heaviness in your sweet little body. 

I thought of just how much I love you.  Of how precious my little family is to me.

And I watched you smile and laugh in your dreams.

And I prayed that you will always know just how loved you are.

The Plight of a Nursing Mama

Hello, my name is Mandy and I am a starving nursing mother.

I've always had sort of a "delicate" (read: picky) appetite.  Until I popped out my baby and started breastfeeding.

HOLY COW (no pun intended...hahaha!), I started eating like a pig.  Like every time I sat down to nurse (every 2 hours).  And no skimpy diet girl portions for me - no, thank you!  I wanted MEALS!  With MEAT (which, as being a longtime vegetarian, was a huge surprise!)!

Cut to five months later...still nursing, and still eating like a pig.  Once a couple of weeks ago I even ate more than my husband (I am embarrassed to admit...).  I am hungry all.the.time. 

The only problem?  For once in my life I can eat what I want (with a great excuse and no weight gain!), but have NO TIME to make anything to eat!

Oh, the cruel irony.

So, be warned.  Lock up any food if I'm coming to your house.  I'm a starving nursing mother and it's all fair game.

Parenting Lesson 101

Part of being a good parent, I think, is knowing when to help your child and when to let them struggle in order to help them learn.

Take rolling over, for example.  It was THE HARDEST THING EVER to watch my poor baby struggle and work and fuss when he was first learning to roll over.  He would cry with frustration when his body just wouldn't do what he wanted it to do! It was so tempting to just reach over and help him every single time, save him all that frustration - but I knew I couldn't swoop in and do the work for him, that he needed that frustration to do the learning he needed to do.  And now look at him - rolling over both directions faster than I can keep up with him!

Last night, Cole was sitting in my lap when his pacifier fell out.  I didn't pop it back in right away, so I could see what he did with it.  He deliberately picked it up and put it back in his own mouth.  (I know, he's a genius, right?!)  Let me tell you, I was one proud mama! 

But at the same time, it's just a wee bit sad.  Just one more way my baby is growing independent from me!  But I rejoice in every new thing he learns, every tiny step as he grows...there is nothing as amazing as watching my child learn - even if it kills me to watch him struggle as he does it!

Working mamas

I don't know how working mamas do it.  I guess when you don't have a choice, you do whatever you have to do.  But me - I loathe having to work and leave my baby at home.


It's not that I don't love my job.  I truly do - I'm one of those lucky people that adores what they do.  It's not that I don't love my coworkers, because I work with some of the most fabulous people who are fantastic teachers.   And it's not that I don't love my students, because I love my kids with my whole heart.  I just love my son more than all that.


And it's that I HATE missing out on parts of my baby's life.  I HATE spending more time with someone else's children than my own.  I HATE feeling torn all the time - thinking of Cole at work, wishing I were home with him - and thinking of work stuff when I'm at home with my family.


Yes, the money is nice.  But every single one of my baby's smiles is priceless.  His laugh, his rolling over, every new thing he learns - it's too precious to miss. 


I am so fortunate that my husband supports me staying home with Cole.  And I'm counting down the minutes until my job is over and I can cuddle my baby all day long!

Crib

We (and by "we" I of course mean Chris...I am a working mama, I barely have time to shower!) set up Cole's crib a couple weeks ago.  And just in time - he barely fits into his bassinet anymore! 


I was sooo excited to set up his bumpers that Gram made...and look how adorable it all turned out!

I LOVE it!!!  And more importantly, Cole loves it! When he's trying to fall asleep, he runs his fingers along his crib bumper - it's the cutest thing ever, how gently and lovingly he strokes the bumper!

Thanks, Gram, for all your hard work!

Dancing

Daddy and Cole, dancing together before bedtime:

Dear Baby,

Dear Cole,

As I was rushing frantically around this morning, desperately searching for an outfit to wear to work, my mind on the day's lesson plans and problem students...you started to wake up in your bassinet next to the bed.  The sound of your sweet coos as your eyes struggled to open this morning; your tiny fingers clutching at my chest as you turned your head toward my warmth, your sleepy eyes opening and finding mine...these moments will stay with me all through the day, when feeling frustration with a difficult student or inadequate at my job, or when the exhaustion tries to overtake me.

My darling son, you are with me every moment of every day.  I love you with all my heart.

Love, Mama