You know, the thing you've seen me permanently attached to for the past 9 months? Yup, it's been relegated to the garage.
My personal goal while I was pregnant was to breast-feed Cole for at least 18 months. Once he came out and I actually felt the incredible pain that was breast-feeding to me, I amended that goal to one year. And then when he refused to breast feed and I started pumping around the clock, I made that goal to six months.
And here we are. Cole is ten months old tomorrow, with enough boob juice in the freezer to last at least another three months.
Yet, I still feel like a failure. I still feel like I'm giving up when I shouldn't. I still feel as though I should hook myself up to the pump, even though I was getting less and less each time.
I guess I just was holding onto hope, still; even after all this time, that Cole would suddenly become a breastfeeding baby - and now that I have no milk, it is impossible (even though I knew it wasn't going to happen).
But, I did the best I could. I think that's the recurring theme of parenthood.
You did AWESOME!!!
ReplyDeleteI'm drying up (not on my own choice necessarily) shortly after the year mark and I still feel like a failure even though a year was my goal. I think it's in our nature as mother's - nothing will EVER be good enough, even though we did awesome!!
You are not a failure, not even a little bit. This happens to SO many moms which is heartbreaking as it hurts new moms so deeply- its important to know it wasn’t your fault--you tried your best and I think thats all that counts.
ReplyDeleteK
NewParent.com
I'm 6 weeks into breast feeding, and I'm at the cross road of should I continue to grit my teeth and endure the pain every time she needs to eat (I like you am brought to tears from the pain. It stinks!), or should I befriend my pump and see what happens. My problem is that I never fully "engorged" so I really only have enough supply per feeding for that one meal and then I have to wait the two hours to produce just enough for the next feeding. I REALLY want to stay as far away from formula as possible, so I'm hoping that my body catches on that it has a job to perform here and bumps up the factory in here.
ReplyDeleteBefore Grace Irene was born I made the goal of breast feeding for at least a full year. Now I'm down to half that, six months as a goal of solid boob-juice. So I applaud you for your strength and perseverance to ensure that your little man was well nourished. Wish me luck that I can get as far as you did.
Good for you for sticking with it for so long despite the obstacles! You are not a failure. I hear the guilt though. I've stopped breastfeeding this week (although my daughter is only seven months) and it makes me feel really guilty as well.
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