A confession

Truthfully, growing up I never really had very high self-esteem.  I was a perfectionist, quick to see faults in my personality, my actions, my clothes.  I wasn't particularly funny or outgoing.  I had paralyzing shyness around people I didn't know and in unfamiliar situations.  I struggled with feeling as though I wasn't ever good enough.  I thought a lot about the major problems in the world and how I felt useless to alleviate them.  I was ok at a lot of things, but not incredible at anything.

But then I became a mama.

And as a mama, my self-worth has grown exponentionally.  I feel confident and capable, knowledgeable and secure in my opinions and beliefs.

I feel strong.  I am passionate and dedicated.  I am well-learned and educated in my "field".  I consider myself an "Expert Mama".  I'm not afraid of parenting a little differently than others might.  I am proud of my convictions and I'm not afraid to cite my research to back them up.  I parent with lots of thought and effort.  If there's a situation with Cole that comes up and I don't know how to handle it, I have faith that I will eventually find the right way to handle it.

Most especially, I love my child more than anything else.  Of all the "hats" I've worn, my "mama" hat is the one that fits me best.

I think back to all those years of painfully doubting my self-worth, of feeling inadequate and useless - and I wish I could tell myself, "It's ok.  Your time to shine is coming.  And you will shine brighter than you ever imagined.  You will be challenged beyond what you have ever been challenged before - but you will end up feeling capable and confident.  You will be amazing!"

Finally, I think I can say that with true conviction and belief: I am an incredible person.  I am a mama.