my favorite

If I had to pick just one thing that is my favorite part of being a parent, it would be this:

This face - this absolute, complete joy.

And all we did to deserve this happiness from our child?  We took him to the park.  Just a simple park with trees, and dirt, and acorns.

Lately, I've been a little caught up in my have-nots.  Our goals for this year were seemingly so simple, so achievable: to have a second child and to buy or build a house.  But here we are at the end of the year, with neither one.  I feel disappointed and cheated - haven't I worked hard to be the best parent I can possibly be?  Why am I sitting here with an empty womb?  Haven't I patiently waited and moved so many times - how is it that I am still in limbo, with no feeling of permanence with our home?  

It's so easy to focus on those parts of our life that I want to improve, that I want to make better.  I often think it's a GOOD thing - to recognize what makes us happy and to go confidently in that direction.  But right now?  Right now, I DO know what needs to happen - and it WILL happen, eventually - but I can't let myself get so focused on making our dreams happen that I forget that so many of my dreams have already come true.  Right here, right now...being a mama, a wife, a daughter, a sister, a friend.

If my beautiful son can take SO MUCH pure joy from a simple, hour-long trip to the park, shouldn't I recognize how much delight MY life can bring me, right this moment?  Shouldn't I remember to wallow in those euphoric moments, without tainting them with thoughts of what I feel my life is missing right now? 

This boy of mine.  Sometimes I wonder who is doing the teaching around here.