Tuesday, August 14, 2012

Explaining to Cole

I'm really big on being honest with Cole.  I try to be honest about my feelings, about what's going on - I think it cuts down on stress when we have wide open communication.  If I am upfront with him - "I'm feeling frustrated right now because Chloe peed on the floor again" - he knows exactly why I'm frustrated and knows it's not because of him.

So yesterday when Cole patted my belly and said "BABY!" and I started crying, I knew I had to talk to him about it.

But I was stumped on how to start the conversation.

How do you respectfully and age-apropriately explain to a two year old about a miscarriage?  About surgery and a sad mama and no more baby, no more big brother?

I'm not sure if I handled it right.  I gave Cole a big hug and looked him in the eyes and told him that the baby was very sick and went to live with God in heaven.  There wasn't a baby in my tummy anymore, I told him.  God was taking good care of our baby.

I know we'll have to have this conversation again several more times.  What a confusing concept for a little guy to grasp, right?

Tell me, how do you explain loss to a little one?


  1. I think you handled it very well, and it is good to be honest with our babes, even at a young age. Keep repeating what you said to him before. Little guys understand a whole lot more than we realize, and he seems receptive to your feelings. He'll grasp it eventually.

    Hugs from me to you.

  2. I also think you handled it well. I have no idea how to explain the concept to Madeline. So difficult.


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