I am a planner (shocking, I know, for all of you that have met me in real life).
I'm not super spontaneous or into surprises. I feel one hundred percent more confident when I walk into a familiar situation vs. an unfamiliar situation.
So, no surprise to you to hear that I've been thinking about a plan of action for the next 6-12 months.
Our doctor told us I need to have blood tests every two weeks from here on out. Once my Hcg levels reach zero (about 4-6 weeks) and stay there for a few tests in a row, we can count six months from that date to start trying for another baby as long as they stay at zero.
I know that if I simply move on, without some goals and plans and projects, it will be easier for me to slip inot the overwhelming grief and sadness of the past weeks. It will be easier to be frustrated and angry that we can't start trying for another baby for so long. I refuse to allow that to happen.
I am absolutely going to give myself and my family time to grieve, to mourn a death.
I will give myself all the time I/we need to think of our baby, to remember with joy and sadness the months we had him/her in our lives.
But I am not going to wallow. I know that if I keep busy, taking care of myself and my family, busy with projects, thinking of people other than myself and my loss, my grieving process will be easier.
Humans weren't meant to be alone - and that includes during times of a loss. Humans also weren't meant to be selfish - also during times of loss. I will lift myself up by lifting others up - and I expect to have even more joy and love in my life as a result, even in the midst of grief and sadness.