World Breastfeeding Week

This week is World Breastfeeding Week.

So in honor of that, I thought I'd give ya'll an update on our breastfeeding story.

I'd love to give a positive update.  But for us, it's just not working. 

After nursing Cole exclusively at the breast for five weeks, I was in so much pain I could barely stomach it - literally, I was to the point of getting sick to my stomach from the pain.  And without going into too much detail, let's just say that my nipples were so torn up... well, we'll just leave it at that.  The final straw was Cole spitting up bloody milk from my bleeding nipples - I decided to pump exclusively for a week to give my nips a break. 

It took THREE WEEKS for my nipples to heal! 

And let me just say how much I dislike pumping.  Being attached to a stupid machine for 20 mins every 2 hours, not being able to get up and tend to the baby - it was torture.  But I thought it would be a worthy investment if it meant we could breastfeed afterward.

But when I try to breastfeed Cole, my nipples tear right up again and the unbearable pain is back.

But the most frustrating thing is just how much I WANT to breastfeed.  I love it.  I have my heart set on it.  I am heartbroken and disappointed that it hasn't worked for us.  And the worst thing is how hard we've tried to make it work.  We have seen 2 doctors and 5 lactation consultants, to no avail.  No one can figure out just what's wrong to be causing me so much pain.  And I don't have a lot of experience with this kind of disappointment - normally, if I want something to work and I try hard enough and do enough research, it works - obviously not so with this.

So I have resigned myself to pumping every 2 hours so that Cole is still exclusively breastfed, which is second best but still better than giving him formula. 

Most importantly?  I have learned several lessons from this experience: First, not to judge those who don't breastfeed.  I was so quick to judge a woman for not choosing the "Breast is Best" approach to feeding her child.  Some women just can't do it, and I understand that now.   Second, to go with the flow.  Once again Cole has taught me that while it might not be MY plan that I want to happen, it will all work out somehow, if not for the best, then at least for second-best. 

Ultimately, I am feeding my baby a nutricious food source, so what does it matter how he gets it, right?